Sunday 25 May 2008

Sack Wenger and spend a billion

I am an Arsenal fan and under the Human Rights Act subsection 3(iii) I am entitled to demand the immediate sacking of my club manager if we should go anymore than 5.8 nanoseconds without a whiff of silverware, and as a paying support I am also entitled to demand that the club spend millions to satisfy my unquenchable cravings, and if they do not then I have the right to take the club to the European courts, thus forcing them to invest in some quality talent like Franny Jeffers or Glen Helder, say.

Wenger has been found to be seriously lacking of skills in the management department. Firstly he can only speak about ten languages, meaning that we'll have great difficulty in signing new players from countries of a non-Wenger language, ruling out great footballing countries like Australia and Wales. Secondly he does not respect us hard working supporters who fund his lavish lifestyle of football and more football, if he cared he'd spend millions every summer just to keep us happy, it's arguably our money and not the club's anyway. I remember that great time under George Graham when he spent a few million to keep us fans happy, the greats Hartson, Kiwomya and Helder came in, the ecstasy lasted all of five minutes until I realised they were all as useless as Justin Edinburgh's left foot.

The club has also been irresponsible by being responsible under Wenger's reign, while other clubs such as Chelsea have been spending in a completely unsustainable fashion, Arsenal have been left behind in the short term spending stakes, instead they have been thinking in the long term by investing in the Stadium and youth development. How very stupid.

I am furious. When I think of Arsene Wenger even having the nerve to smile it makes me fume, how can a man who has presided over the ritual torture of so many of us hard working class Arsenal supporters have the nerve to enjoy himself in the process? The man is a disgrace, sack him now. I haven't really thought of who to replace him with, I don't do long term thinking, maybe Gary Megson, he's a good all rounder. What I do know is that there are some really good signings to be made out there this summer, we've already missed out on over fifty good signings so far according to Tribal Football, so let's get spending Gooners and let's get that selfish Frenchman out now.

65 comments:

Anonymous said...

Arse?

Anonymous said...

i læl`d

Aswin M. Sahadevan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Tw@t

Anonymous said...

Arsetard, are sure it's not retard? Clearly this article is taking the piss, the whole idea of the article is to show those people who have been criticising Wenger relentlessly are imbeciles.

Mind you, Arsene did give a trial to Mark Milligan recently, so you are wrong in suggesting Arsene could not draw players from Australia. I suggest he signs Zalko Kalac, quality, quality keeper. 10 million quid would do it nicely and appease everyone wanting to spend a billion.

(Again arsetard, that is called "taking the piss". I think you've been drinking a bit too much of it.

Anonymous said...

obviously arsetard has never heard of satire. lighten up mate. this post was made for laughs not dummies like you.

Anonymous said...

Jesus H Christ arsetard, I think you need a new sarcasm detector as your current one is clearly broken.

I found it rather funny.

Anonymous said...

Arsetard, you no understando engliso?

The blogger and you are on the same page here dude. Get the sarcasm and humour will you.

Anonymous said...

What is it with people who don't get sarcasm/satire?

Anonymous said...

Oh my god u r so stupid! Wenger is the reason 4 our success and we dont even have a billion coz were in debt dont you know. U dummy! People like us shudnt b even aloud on the internet lol.

Anonymous said...

arsetard = cock + twat.

humblepie365 said...

People who can't spell 'allowed' shouldn't be allowed on the internet either.

Besides, sarcasm doesn't really come out on the Internet anyway, because it's all about the delivery.

Arse for the Prem next season!

Ted said...

Very amusing 1979. Clearly your subtlety is beyond some morons - wake up Arsetard!

Yann Le Pentrec said...

humblepie you idiot, arsenal r allllready in the premm! nugggghhhhhhhhhhhh (slaps chin whilst pushing tongue into it)

for the benefit of Arsetard and other non-English readers the above was made for amusement only.

Anonymous said...

So if it's all about the delivery then how come every poster bar 2 on here have got it? Sarcasm and satire rely on one thing - language ability, and there was plenty of that used to convey the humour. The reason two people didn't get it was very simple - they are either fucking idiots or they post before they think. Maybe both. Either way, they should go and support Chelski, we don't want them cheering on Lens Almunia or Robin van Bendtner or something.

Back on topic, funniest post I've seen for a while, I suggest mailing it to the daily rags and letting them digest. Especially the Mail, mail it to them..

Anonymous said...

If you cant even comprehend this kind of English standards, please dont consider writing bull crap out. The least you can do is wait for other people who understands the meaning of sarcasm and read it before doing anything that makes a full out of yourself.

Yes, im saying you, the tard.

Anonymous said...

opps, i meant fool.

Andrew said...

Clearly all you mongs don't realise that arsetard is obviously just continuing the sarcasm! he's so clever, you just don't have a sense of humour!

Anonymous said...

u crazy piece of cuntley shit. u dun deserve to be an arsenal fan!!! how can u say that after the many fa cup trophies, epl titles, cham league final...wenger is our legend!!! u're crap shit. f u n defect to tottenham u ass clown...

Anonymous said...

HAAHAHA. good stuff mate, that was very funny. To all those people who dont see the sarcasm: hahhahaha as well. Anyway, im off. Cheerio!

Anonymous said...

He should rename himself 'Arseturd' the dopey twat

Anonymous said...

stupid

Anonymous said...

clearly a sarcasm..

http://www.iwannalearnenglish.com <- to arsetard

Anonymous said...

You are a disgrace to every arsenal fan or anyone affiliated with them. I suggest you dont post anything like this again and move your choice of team to the other side of london!

Anonymous said...

Highly amusing to see Arsenal fans discussing the concept of satire and sarcasm rather than the frequent "OMG! LETS SIGN MARADONNA, PELE, BEST AND LEE HENDRIE! DONT LAUGH, HIS STATS ARE GOOD ON CHAMP AND LOOK AT HIS YOUTUBE COMP LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL"

Anonymous said...

under whatever act i would love to say you are the most cuntless arsenal fan ever live and i demand you to support teams like derby or birmingham which are more likely to sack their managers rather than thinking what is the best way to improve the squad rather...

Anonymous said...

LOL!!

Törkeen hauskaa tekstiä! Pieni teksti autto huomattavasti mun krapulasunnuntaita :)

Unknown said...

That was nice to read first thing on a Sunday morning/afternoon!
Better than the usual claptrap.
My own thoughts on transfers are we should go for that American kid, Tiger Woods. Anyone heard of him? Apparently his got a great shot! Very accurate? It's just a thought. Another one is that Roger Federer fella, he's in the papers a lot, the female fans might buy more shirts if we got him, which means we could probably build a bigger car park than the one we've got at the moment. Last but not least, Lewis Hamilton, he’s very fast, like 200mph, that’s fast isn’t it? And he’s good at corners, I think he’s Theo’s cousin or something, because they look like each other, they must play the same, right? That would be good. I also thought David Dein would become manager one day, seems that Arsene bloke got in his way, doesn't really fit with the supposed honour and integrity the club’s renowned for, does it. I think the whole situation is crying out for a David Pleat / Hoddle combo, we’d be on the right track then boys!
Round the Arse! Or, erm…through the Arse!...no..no, that’s not it……in the Arse! Yes that’s it, Arsetard, in the Arse!

Anonymous said...

Im really confused as to whether some of those commenting genuinely have brains the size of jermaine jenas or are really experts at satire and are extending the comedy in this excellent post.

Anonymous said...

Vincent you are a fucking legend!

1979gooner said...

I apologise for the sarcasm arsetard, it is after all the lowest form of wit. At least your heart is in the right place.

Anonymous said...

Brilliant post mate. Even if there are a few retards on here who didn't get it (they're probably some of the same ones that haunt all the Arsenal blogs -- especially shite sites like LeGrove, full of all the moaning Football-Manager-obsessed clueless wankers). Nice to see a bit of sanity and humor as well. You and Arseblogger keep up the good work!

Anonymous said...

Dum assholes, must be American or somthing - they just don't get sarcasm!

Anonymous said...

i think the problem is that some of these people don't understand what a nano second is, or who glenn helder and franny jeffers are.

Anonymous said...

What a load of bollocks.

I bet you weren´t around in the early 1980s...

Anonymous said...

Man i think you should give up writing blogs, ive never heard so much crap in my life (well i have) but anyways...if you want to see managers sacked and billins spent go buy yourself a chelsea jersey.

Obsinho said...

Well done 1979 - you have managed to find a way of showing just how brain dead the majority of fans are.

I hope these guys aren't really gooners. Then again, I am pretty sure that Le Grove is in fact a real site and not a highly evolved running joke, so these people are out there - watching and waiting. And also posting drivel and dribbling profusely onto their misshapen hand stumps.

Anonymous said...

brilliant post! scary responses from some unfortunates,. btw am pleased to not be alone in thinking Le grove is absolute shit,.. i did post on his site that he's either a scummy pr outlet or a retard,.. but he removed my comment! really enjoyed this though,.. thanks

Anonymous said...

great post - i wonder who you had in mind - wasn't those bankers over on le grove was it!

Anonymous said...

Le Grove

About
Le-Grove is a site where people can exchange views on issues without fear of being abused by other fans, their own or others, because we remove any posts which even slightly disagree with our narrow minded views.

A site where they can feel safe in the knowledge that they are expressing their own opinion without fear of ridicule, because everybody on this site is just as dumb as you.

If anybody does get abusive, we immediately remove their comment and block them from returning, unless it is one of us or our very few mates posting (to bump up the numbers).

We are a shelter for bloggers and a haven for Arsenal fans, particularly those who wished they could support Chelsea and could spend all their dodgy Russian money on anybody we had seen in a ten second clip on YouTube.

Anonymous said...

I know a great course some people should attend:English for dummies...

1979gooner said...

Obsinho,

I don't think it's a majority, I think it's a small minority.

I have faith in the vast majority of gooners who I think are very sensible and patient.

It's just that the vocal minority can make a lot of noise sometimes, often disproportionate to their relative number.

Thank God our board are senibsle and don't rush into stupid decisions, it's part of the reason we've been punching above our weight for several years now, thus allowing the club to grow bigger, having fed off this clever long termism.

Anonymous said...

Fantastic Post! Particularly enjoyed the references to Wales and Australia as pathetic footballing nations! Next time though might be worth agreeing with people like 606's Spoony who condemned Wenger for not investing in January stating the 'class' players transferred in the window. He named, Defoe, Anelka and Diarra (yes our own diarra) as three players 'who could have improved the squad no end'...

Anonymous said...

Wneger good managa you post bad things bout him you must have just got elekticiti, why you say the bad things. I look on Wikpeed and Helder was not good playe and Megson no one heard of.

Jeannot14 said...

hilarious! keep up the good work
check this site, Chopper's always good for a chuckle
http://www.aguycalledwenger.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

Arse.

Anonymous said...

ha ha..
keep up ur good work..

Anonymous said...

its called tongue in cheek. haha..

Anonymous said...

You're right. Wenger can f@ck off unless he's going to shell some cash out on another 7 or 8 players. Desperately need to replace Senderos. Barry Ferguson maybe...

1979gooner said...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irony

"Verbal irony is a disparity of expression and intention: when a speaker says one thing but means another, or when a literal meaning is contrary to its intended effect. An example of this is sarcasm"

Just to make things clear for a minority of buffoons who seem to thing they are a smidgeon cleverer than they actually are.

Anonymous said...

The above comment was written by Barry ferguson's agent.

Anonymous said...

cheese and rice! some arse fans don't know their balls from their face. i'm embarrased for them. brilliant post though. Shits and giggles delux...

Aswin M. Sahadevan said...

My sarcasm detector was broken.. ugh, that was embarrassing !

1979gooner said...

hi arsetard!

I've done it before! I'm sure we all have.

Anonymous said...

I found this article on Arseblog and I have to say it is really quite amusing. It is funny that so many people believe this article. Satire is not hard to understand, even for some americans. Spending like Chelski is not going to help us and look at the debts they have. Wenger is (in my opinion) doing a fabulous job and seems like he will purchase a few key players. Someone like Sagna hopefully. Living over here I am not swamped with all the transfer speculation and rumors but I try and keep up with any afc news. I just wish that Arsenal were more popular in the states. Most fans here (the ones that I know) support Barca, Man U and Liverpool. Ugh!

Aswin M. Sahadevan said...

Apologies to 1979gooner.. I was hungover and emotional after watching replays of ManUre celebrating with their silverware!

1979gooner said...

no worries at all!

I can also guarantee that I won't ban you from commenting on the blog.

olly said...

iI have been an arsenal fan for 45 years and i have to say apart from ces fab \ van persi poss toure this is with out question the worst arsenal side ever 3 years ago i wouldnt have swoped any man utd player for an arsenal but now the could all walk in to our side.
facts wenger won the first honours with players he was left with basically. then he lets henry\ bergkamp \ viera \ pettie \ pires \ cole \ flammine \ to name but a few and we get song \ sylvesri \ eboue \ bentner ect and my personal fave sandross whats he about now to club honoure wenger joined in 1996 hes won 9 honours (not counting charity shield) 3 of them were with the players he was left that makes 6 trophies in 12 years and not a hint of any coming that to me is not the sign of a good manager i say thanks for what you have done wenger but bye and bring in MARTIN ONIEL before we have a great but empty stadium

WoW Gold Guide said...

good post

Anonymous said...

i miss henry.

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Anonymous said...

ARSENE WENGER IS STUPID...!!!enough said

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