Monday 5 September 2011

Once upon a time there was an Ox

On an planet far far away and obviously far detached from our current earthly reality, there once was a young and highly talented young fire-catcher called Arthur Ox-of-Chamberstone. On this imaginary planet fire-catching was big business, it attracted crowds from all around the solar system and the big fire-catching teams made big money. This meant that for the small number of youth fire-catchers that made it the rewards were potentially huge.

Young Arthur Ox fire caught for his local club, Southsoton, and had attracted a lot of attention because of his outstanding performances. He was speedy and had excellent technique for one so young. The big Premier League fire catching sides had taken not of young Arthur Ox and they were all moving in, the future seemed bright for the young man.

The first side to make a move were the big guns of Arandell, their coach Arlene Vender was particularly keen to snap the young Ox up before the other big clubs moved. The young Ox was naive in the ways of the world and was represented by his fire-catching agent, his agent agreed the terms of deal in the middle of the season and expected everything to be completed once the close season began. All appeared done and dusted.

Strangely Arandell didn't stick to their side of the deal, they reneged on the original terms that had been agreed in principle and tried to get Arthur Ox on the cheap. Obviously Southsoton and Arthur's agent were not impressed, they decided to go elsewhere to see if any of the other big Premier League clubs would agree to pay something in the ball park of the original deal that had been agreed.

They went up to meet with another manager, Sir Alchy Friedeggface of Melchester Rovers, who wined and dined them, then offered them a similar deal to that which had been originally agreed with Arandell. Luckily for Arandell and Arlene Vender, Arthur Ox's father wanted his son to fire-catch for Arandell, so he went back to them to see if they would match Melchester's offer. They did and off young Arthur Ox-of-Chamberstone went to Arandell, the rest is history or so I've been told.

Obviously this is just a mythical tale from an imaginary land, it bears no relation to any events that may have recently unfolded on planet earth. Still on this imaginary planet it appears that the case of Arthur Ox-of-Chamberstone was not a one off mistake, it appeared that Arandell fire-catching club were repeatedly making the same kind of errors in their attempts to bring in the best fire-catchers from far and wide. Arandell's transfer dealings did not appear to be the most professional or efficient, or so I've been told. The reasons for this are far from clear.


Anonymous said...

I know it's the inter lull but this was a tedious post from usually one of the better blogs. Must try harder! Sorry

goonerob said...

Sadly our fire catcher techniques seem to follow a similar pattern continually, a certain Argentinian and Spanish firecatcher got fed up with trying to be bought on the cheap and went elsewhere and if we do not change we will end up just getting the embers every time. Hopefully some of the new young arrivals will turn into bonfires and set not only the Emirates alight but also the world. We need to change how we do things otherwise we are going to be left behind and none of the top firecatchers will want to come to us.

Anonymous said...

The Arandell club management is seriously a joke right from the top to the medical team, to the marketing team, and to the negotiations team. They say if the leadership of an organization is bad, the whole organisation sucks and it can't be more applied for Arandell fire-catching club.

The whole road map for the last 7 years was either a disaster or a complete success which have successfully rendered Arandell to a mid-table club with no ambitions other than qualifying the CL every season.

I applaud to the ambitious leadership of Hill-wood, Stan and Ivan sticking faith in the depleted squad right to the end until the alarm bells were ringing so loudly that it disturbed their daily wine buffet at the club bar and they can't hear each other discussing since 2004 who was driving the bigger Bentley.

The medical team did a fantastic job on Thomas Vermaelen, Robin VP, Tomas Rosicky. I have never heard them being out so frequently before they joined Arandell and it seems they are at it again on Jack Wilshere. Keep up the gd work!

The marketing team was trying to solve the mystery behind the continual funds of Melchester Rovers for the past decade until it hit them as they discovered a secret tiny continent in the world named Asia which Melchester Rovers has been milking in top secret fashion. Later did they realise the Chavs were doing the same in recent years. Damn the Chavs for not sharing!

The transfer negotiations team led by "Dick-so-hard-you-should-suck-on-it-and-pay-me-for-it" Law.... 'Nuff Said.