Tuesday, 21 August 2012
Zef Kolombi signs for Arsenal
It is now official, the mighty Zef Kolombi (pictured above outside his Albanian/English mansion house) has signed for Arsenal. Arsene Wenger has an undoubted talent for spotting the unknown and Zef looks likely to be his greatest ever master-stroke.
Zef plays for the Albanian U-16s and has a fantastic record. Such is his prodigious talent that he captained the Albanian U-12s to World Cup glory back in 2008, and despite going down to four men in the final, Zef pretty much carried them over the line single handed. In fact, such is his talent that it is rumoured Sir Alex Ferguson's only hope of stopping Zef will be to arm Howard Webb with an M-16; even then, such is Zef's agility, he may still be tricky to stop.
Such is his dominance in the Albanian youth leagues, that Zef even needs his own possession stats, normally both sides average around and about 30% between them, with Kolombi averaging about 70% possession by himself alone! Amazingly Opta stats have confirmed that Zef has never lost a football match in which he has played the full ninety minutes. There are also some unconfirmed reports that Zef has been seen flying in training, we await photographic confirmation but have some reliable Twitter sources to back this up. His mode of transport for his first Emirates home game will be eagerly anticipated by the media and Albanian royal family.
Arsene Wenger has such faith in this young Albanian that he has made him vice captain of the senior team, in fact is was a tough call for the manager, it must have been sorely tempting to replace Vermaelen at the club's helm, but a change so soon would not have been good for team spirit. All those fans criticising Wenger and the board have yet again been proven to be first class idiots, Kolombi has the keys to the Premier League trophy cabinet in his hand, Arsenal will now be champions!
Finally for those of you who struggle to detect horse manure, I can confirm that this story is definitely not untrue and that I would never knowingly spread an unsubstantiated rumour as fact. Zef Kolombi is now a Gooner!