The Arsenal Carol - Good King Arsene-ceslas

This is my Arsenal Christmas Carol, to the tune of Good King Wenceslas:

Good King Arsene look'd out,

    Over the Premier League Season.

He saw the fixtures lay crowd'd about,

    Over the Christmas Season.

Strong though was the Gooner fight,

    Though the weather cruel.

Then poor 'Arry came in sight,

   Searching for winter fuel.

"Hither Pat and stand by me,

    If thou know'st it, telling,
Yonder poor Spud, who is he?
    Where and what his dwelling?"

"Sire, he lives just down the road,

    near that burnt out rubble.

In Tottenham is his humble abode,

    where there's always trouble."

"Bring my gun and bring me twine,

    Bring the tax inspector.

Thou and I will see him pine

    then for the lie detector."

A quick blow over th' back of his head, 

    'Arry'd pay for 'is indiscretion.

Secured in a Gimp suit of lead,

    they then recorded his confession.

"Make this fair and make this quick,

    I'm a bad man who don't pay no taxes.

Though Talksport don't give me no stick,

   That's cos I scratch their backs."

This all now on the taxman's tape,

    'Arry's guilt proven with precision.

A man with the morals of a grape,

    deserving of a long time in prison.

Off 'Arry went to Wormwood Scrubs,

    knowing he must do his duty.

He'd have to mingle with some criminal thugs,

    and in the shower give them his booty.

Arsene and Pat continued on their way,

    knowing the world'd been done a great service.

Onwards to another St Tott'ringham's day,

    and many more years of Gooner worship.