Exclusive photographic evidence of Ryan Shawcross making his way to the Emirates stadium has found its way to me this morning. This scoop comes courtesy of the large party of security staff who are travelling with this rare primitive northern beast in order to protect his delicate and innocent frame from those nasty neanderthal Arsenal supporters.
I can also exclusively reveal that rumours first aired on Arsecast yesterday surrounding this primitive beast's rather strange personal habits and finger excursions are completely untrue. For any of you who want to listen to these fabricated slurs on the great beast's name then go to around 27 minutes into the Arsecast, I do not condone the Arseblogger's libellous words but in order to feel the beast's pain one must listen to the fabrications in their full glory.
It is sad that such a rare and noble species has been victimised in such a manner by these ghastly people, Shawcross beast cannot change, it is in his genes, let us stop the brutal discrimination and just love this rare animal the way he is. The Shawcross beast has a genetic need for snapping the healthy tibia of his fellow professionals on a regular basis; it is not his fault that his genes make him slow, cumbersome, stupid, overly aggressive and have an overwhelming desire to see blood and bony fragments on the turf. Let us respect this noble sub-species on this great day, and be warned do not approach this hairy character, he may be hungry for more Arsenal related flesh once more.