Wayne Rooney rhyme

There once was a young lad called Wayne,
and it was from near the Mersey that he came.
From quite a young age he developed a taste
for the ladies upon whom money you waste.

The rumour went that it was around the bingo hall
where our Wayne used to trawl;
looking for that special granny
and then trading his cash for fanny.

Since those old days a lot has changed,
some would even say that our Wayne is less deranged.
He has married Coleen and impregnated her with his seed,
but unfortunately for his young family he still feels the need to breed.

Wayne's ball control of late has been rather lax,
both on and off the pitch there have been some obvious cracks.
The world cup saw some rather lacklustre displays,
but maybe that's because poor Wayne wasn't allowed out to play.

This weekend's tabloid revelations tell a depressing tale
of a shy young man with fag in hand seemingly destined to fail.
While a pregnant Coleen had her oven filled with a bun,
Wayne briefly poked his weener in a place he should not have done.

This willy dipping excursion certainly did not come on the cheap,
over a thousand pounds in cash up front and many more to stop Coleen's weep.
A cigarette for afters and our Wayne was on his way,
another dirty deed committed and this noble warrior lived to fight another day.