So having listened to a few unbiased scousers I must concede that Xabi Alonso is the new messiah, a true gent, a great all round footballer and a one paced wonder, oh sorry I just couldn't keep those lies flowing. I will be so very disappointed if we don't sign the one paced wonder this summer, maybe scousers only value Alonso because they know the rather useless Lucas would have to play more games if Alonso went, a truly frightening prospect for Liverpool fans. Oh how I love pulling the chain of scousers, speaking of Merseyside, that where we're off for our Premiership opener next season. Our full fixture list can be seen here, an away trip to Manure early doors is our first massive game, while a spell beginning at the end of January sees us play the big three back to back. Still thinking of Xabi, maybe we could use his huge head for something? Perhaps it could block a top corner when we're defending set pieces?
The rumour most likely appears to be the signing of Thomas Vermaelen who is allegedly coming to London for a medical on friday, hopefully he will be wearing his Xabi Alonso mask to keep us Gooners happy. We really have no need for a solid and physical centre back, why defend when we could fill our squad with ball players who cannot tackle like Xabi Alonso? There are also some rumours about Fiorentina's robust and yellow card happy Felipe Melo, he would certainly add some filth given his tally of 17 yellow cards in Italy in his first season, get him a black curly haired wig and call him Keown I say. The 'respected' football journalist (is this not a contadiction in terms?) Philippe Auclair reckons some Lyon striker is close to signing for us, maybe he's the french Brian Woolnough so one could probably trust his brothel recommendations at a minimum.
Thing appear about ready to kick off on the transfer front now, with the rest of Europe's window opening on July the 1st expect some sparks to fly rather soon. There are still many questions that need to be answered before next season. Does big Phil have a future at the club, is William Gallas staying to fight for a place in the side? Will Pedro smash up Arsene's car? Is there any truth in the Clichy to Madrid rumours and would 18 million represent a great deal for us given the arrival of Kieran Gibbs? Will Xabi Alonso magically learn to tackle and defend thus making him a useful signing for us? Will scousers return to defend the mighty gods that are Xabi Alonso and Lex Lucas, sorry Lucas Leiva? Should we try to sign Lucas, Dossena, Babel, Voronin, Ngog and Plessis at the same prices that Liverpool paid for them as this would represent great value for money? Or should we just watch and laugh as the scousers go into administration as a result of their unsustainable spending which only a big football club could afford? Who knows, who knows, calm down by the way and think before posting any vitriol in response to my objective analysis of life, Alonso and everything.