Sunday, 15 March 2009

Win an Arsenal shirt: send me some poetic abuse

Once I have confirmation from the company involved I shall confirm the details of the small Arsenal related prize on offer, however I though I should first give you a heads up on what kind of competition I was going to plan.

One great pleasure of being a football supporter is learning to mock one's rivals and enemies, so I though a good competition would involve the penning of poetry to mock any enemies of Arsenal football club that one would care to choose.

The best poem of abuse will win the prize, it shall be judged by myself and Ted, so complete subjectivity can be guaranteed. It can be about anyone and it can be as short or long as you like. Just write your poetic abuse and send it to Just to get you started I have penned by own little poem which is intended to inspire you, as frankly how could you do worse than me?

Fat Sam is a walrus who's eaten all the pies,
and despite his open gob full of chewing gum he likes to think he's wise.
He has an evil penchant for creating anti-footballing teams,
while if a bung or two comes his way then he'll add it to his pile of beans.

Many a villain has prospered under his foul and rotten tutelage,
Nolan, Davies and El Hadj Diouf are just three of these useless sacks of shit.
He tells them to go out on the football field to dive, break legs and cheat,
and if the opposition should complain then Fat Sam's primitive brain will overheat.

But yesterday this unpleasant flabby Walrus well and truly met his match,
a young dymanic Arsenal side rammed his filth firmly back up his oversized pie hatch.
Big Fat Sam got taught a lesson from which he ought to have learnt,
don't mess with Arsene and his lads or else your hands will get burnt.


K man said...

Give up medicine 1979, you're a future poet laureat in the making!

Ted said...

that is a bit good 1979. well done. here is mine:

rooney is red
lampard is blue
both are cunts and play like them too.

i thank you.

Anonymous said...

Poems are a bit beyond me so with my ghetto roots, I've gone for a rap.

To the tune of John Barnes' awesome contribution in World in Motion, I give you "I Hate Wayne Rooney":

You've got to snarl and swear
In the referee's face
You are a fat granny-shagger
And a fucking nutcase
They'll always mock you and thrash you
Those scouser scum
There's no way you can beat them
You whinging little bum
Your missus is a dirty chav
And a total minger
You look like a baby elephant
And your bum fluff is a bit ginge.

Hopefully that's rubbish enough to avoid winning the shirt.


1979gooner said...

awesome Chat!